The dos and don'ts of texting when dating
It’s always fresh and exciting when you start to date someone new. If you get a hint of chemistry, you’ll want to send them a text to get a flow of communication and it’s a great way to ascertain if there is a genuine connection between you both.
You’ve sent the text but then comes the ‘now we wait’ scenario! If they don’t text you back, you feel like you are being ignored and they aren’t interested, but if they do, perhaps the response has left you somewhat deflated.
If you felt there was a spark on meeting, by default you’re expecting that same feeling in those texts. If they don’t respond, you then wonder if you read the situation wrong or if you’ve just been ghosted. Either way, your mind is in overdrive and you’re now thinking where you went wrong or that they just aren’t that into you. Or perhaps they have messaged, but you’re deflated by the response. Sound familiar? If you answered yes, I’m with you!
The problem with texts is that we will interpret a message how our emotions want to perceive them. You could end up misunderstanding the sentiment behind it and creating a whole new meaning to what’s been said.
So here is some advice on how to handle messaging when getting to know someone.
Understand their style of texting.
Are you someone that likes to power through your messages? That’s great, but if your responses are somewhat shorter or sparse, understand that they generally send this style of message or that they want to give too much away too soon. Don’t take this as an indication of their feelings, but more an acknowledgement of receiving your message. Give it time to find your momentum of the conversation.
Be prepared to make yourself vulnerable
If you have expectations over the quality or timeliness of their response, you have to be prepared that you are making yourself vulnerable.
Perhaps you’ve had experiences in the past where you’ve had low self-esteem or needed validation, make sure you don’t carry those emotions into the next person and look for the same from their behaviour. You will only upset yourself and feel rejected.
Send voice notes
I do love a good voice note! It’s a great opportunity for your voice to be heard and to give that personal touch to a message. You will also be able to portray emotion with your tone too. Be sure to make them to the point and avoid unnecessary waffling. It’s a fantastic chance to get a little flirt on with your voice and let them know what you sound like. Always smile when you send a voice note, your voice will sound so much more upbeat and you will seem much more charming.
With the do’s come the don’ts! There are just some things that are considered a big no! Make sure you keep these points in mind too.
Don’t obsess over response times.
Obsessing over a response is not healthy. We all have our own daily schedules and I’m pretty sure you can’t get back to everyone within hours, let alone minutes and just because you’re interested in someone, it doesn’t mean they should get back to you immediately.
Texting you straight away may not be seen as a priority to them so early in getting to know each other. They could of course just be busy at work and not have checked their phone either.
Don’t give away too much too soon.
In the early stages, don’t divulge too much information (especially about past relationships). You may be prepared to hear verse and chapter about their lives, but that doesn’t mean they feel the same.
You’ve just met this person and need to determine boundaries and comfort levels as you text and chat. Messages can be misinterpreted and you don’t want to go deep via messaging. Save some of the deeper meaning conversations for a face to face date.
Don’t assume rejection.
If you have confessed your feelings or even expressed an interest in meeting and they don’t respond or even their response wasn’t what you expected; do not jump to conclusions.
Remember, you need to fully understand their style of texting. If they don’t talk about personal feeling over text perhaps keep the momentum going with normal chats until you meet again. Or even bring up the idea of a date. If they are still talking, there must be some interest. As I have previously mentioned, save the deeper chats for the face to face meeting.
Its exhilarating when you start chatting to someone over text. The prospect of a new relationship can make you giddy and I would say enjoy it. However, as much as you enjoy the back and forth, always remain comosed about the reality. It can be easy to assume you’re being validated with the messages that you receive, but tone can be misinterpreted.
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