Why she’s put you in the friendzone

Men often ask ‘Sukh, why am I constantly being placed in the friendzone’?

Honestly, there is no simple answer to why she is putting you in that platonic place. Many would say that she may not be attracted to you, however, as you know, we women are complex creatures and so there will of course be more to it.

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Why she's put you in the friendzone

Men often ask ‘Sukh, why am I constantly being placed in the friendzone’?

Honestly, there is no simple answer to why she is putting you in that platonic place. Many would say that she may not be attracted to you, however, as you know, we women are complex creatures and so there will of course be more to it.

I decided to reach out to a few women and find out why they have placed you lovely men in that dreaded friend zone. Guess what, it turns out it could be one of several.

But here are a few of the most common reasons as to why she wants to just stay friends.


She knows your history too well, or vice versa.

If you’re close friends to the point that you know about each other’s exes, past relationships, or even sexual history, trying to get a promotion from platonic friends to relationship status may become an upward struggle. It’s great she trusts you, but if you want to pursue something with her, do you really want to go all in with your relationship history so soon? Play your cards close to your chest and of course, in time share all the details. Divulging that kind of information straight away, will not score you brownie points.


You seem too familiar.

Your style and mannerisms could be reminding her of an ex. If she does associate you with someone from her past, then it could mean her ex is still in the back of her mind or the breakup is still too fresh. Don’t take this as a negative, give her some time to heal and take things slow. Be there for her as a friend, that way you give her a great chance to get to know the real you.


She’s trying to figure you out.

Many men I have spoken to think they have been friendzoned because they thought they were being too nice. But gentleman, women aren’t put off by kindness as much as you think! She may want to take a step back and put you in that platonic spot while she figures you out. Women want to see what type of guy you really are, if you’re a gentleman, rude, or even aggressive! She could be making a decision based on your behaviour.


She could be attracted to someone else.

You may be in the friendzone because her mind is elsewhere? Where? The answer: on another guy. Yep, she could be attracted to someone else and keeping you at bay because she sees you no more than a friend. However, in some ways, you could take it as a compliment. You can’t change how she feels, but I would say it’s definitely a good sign that she respects you enough to have you around and value your friendship.


She’s just too busy.

Relationships require hard work and effort from both sides. Friendships, however, are much more low maintenance. She may genuinely be busy and lack the time to fully invest in a committed relationship. Even if she is remotely attracted to you, this could be a reason that she hasn’t entertained the possibility of pursuing something more serious. But once again, it’s a point to note that she values your presence and friendship to take out time from her hectic schedule for you to both hangout.


She wants to give you a chance to grow up.

You may perhaps seem a little too immature and she wants to give you an opportunity to change your ways. This isn’t to say she is planning on nagging you and changing you into the ideal guy, but she knows she doesn’t want a project. So, even though you may click as friends, there are some traits that you may not fulfil as a life partner and so she thinks you are better off as friends. With age comes wisdom and also a better understanding of accepting individuals as they are.


She is genuinely dealing with her own issues right now.

She may just be working on herself right now. Bettering her career, her well-being, working on self-development even supporting another family member or friend with their issues. Whatever it may be, she needs to focus and doesn’t have time for anyone right now, let alone time to nurture a relationship. Personally, I think it’s a strong place to be if you yourself understand that you aren’t ready to focus on a relationship.


She wants to get to know you before deciding to get romantic.

This one I have found to be a grey area and signs can often be misread. She may not be comfortable dating someone who she doesn’t know as a friend and that’s not a terrible thing at all. Remaining friends puts you in her comfort zone. Stay patient and take this time to get to learn about her too. But, be warned, do not assume anything based on her actions. Communication is key, so be open and honest.


She genuinely wants a platonic friendship.

Yep, in her eyes, you really are her friend. If you can’t see anything that leads to the above points, it means that she really enjoys your company and finds you amazing, but just as a friend. Easier said than done, but you need to be able to respect her decision and keep on enjoying her company as a friend too.


For more hints and tips on dating, connect with me on Instagram or Facebook




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Architect, Berkshire


There is a younger version of Sima Aunty in town and she goes by the name of Sukh!


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This is perfect, something our community needs. I am super busy with my job and as much as I am ready to meet the one, its great to have potential partners filtered by someone. I get to carry on with my day and Sukh gets in touch when she has a recommendation. Perfect!


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